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Meera Atkinson  When people think of where children learn about sex they often think of the kind of school sex-ed classes that were brilliantly lampooned with the “Fuzzy Bunny” films in The Simpsons. But school sexuality education programs provide only one source of information for a young person.
Unpack the issues...
Perhaps the most profound influence on a young person’s understanding of sex comes from their family, not only what they are told and how they are told (or not told as the case may be) but also what they observe. Peer education, which simply means what peers discuss and tell each other, is another prime source of information (though not always accurate) along with movies, television, internet, print media and education in, or messages from, faith-based settings. The Transit Lounge asked four people of different ages for a snapshot of what and how they learned about sex as they were growing up. Matt, youth worker, 29 “My main impression was that basically sex is taboo — it’s something you can talk about with friends but not something you can talk about with your church or parents. “I didn’t have sex until I was 21. I’d gotten married so I suppose I was a good Christian boy in that respect. The reality was a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. Most of the information you get is from TV and friends and you get a glamorised idea of it. “I’m not still married. I learnt that sex is wrong and taboo and then to be gay is right off the scale — it’s evil and sinful — so to come out was even more difficult because it felt like I was going against everything I’d learnt. It took me a long time to feel that I was okay within myself and that I couldn’t be any other way. “It would be great if the church was a safe place where people could talk about sex in a way that’s respectful.” Helen, education student, 37 “I don’t think my parents ever talked about it. I had sex-ed at school. It covered the basic plumbing and was fairly comprehensive; we had a banana and a condom. She was for her day very liberal and she knew the area we were growing up in and what happened. It was a very rough public school. We did STDs [sexually transmitted diseases] and contraception. “In my teens I read some racy novels that could be quite graphic. It was a gradual learning curve. I got the impression it would be enjoyable when it occurred but as a Christian I decided not to have sex until I got married so I didn’t mind waiting. “Now that I have kids of my own I’m aware I want to have conversations with them from an early age so I actually inform them. I think it’s important to be open and honest.” Christine, archivist, 47 “My older brother had a few magazines under his bed and I remember having a look at those and my sister went through her periods before me and was helpful in preparing me for those things. When I was 12 or 13 my mother took me to a mother/daughter information night put on by the Family Life. “In my teens peers who had ‘done it’ talked about their adventures. The problem back then was falling pregnant. We learned about ‘VD’ in high school but it didn’t seem to be the issue. It wasn’t as open in the media as it is now. My mum and I never talked about it. “There’s more to it than you learn as a child. It keeps getting better!” Mark, Christian educator, 57 “My dad was influential in that he was so embarrassed talking about it that I knew it was something important. The ‘Father and Son’ night at school gave us the mechanics but somehow it was removed from life. The biggest teacher was my parents’ affection for each other. “When I was about to be married I thought I’d better understand it better so I bought a book. In terms of the relationship between sex education and the reality you have to be active before it makes full and final sense and then you have to keep maturing. It’s a continuing education.”
Discussion points...- Is sexuality education the responsibility of parents, schools, or both?
- Given the graphic representation of sex in the media, especially the internet, is it possible to protect children from being exposed to pornography?
- Why don’t more parents talk openly about sex with their children?
Further reading...
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