| Safe sex fatigue |
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| Tuesday, 17 June 2008 00:00 |
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Transit Lounge Team
Safe sex is about the negotiation of sexual boundaries — what one does sexually, how one does it and with whom.
Recent research suggests many young people are failing to heed the safe sex message, through lack of these boundaries. Physically safe sex Physically safe sex is where most discussion of safe sex focuses. There are practical reasons for this: failing to practice safe sex at the physical level can result in life threatening illness, infertility, unintended pregnancy and a host of other sexual health problems that can, in turn, have negative psychological, emotional, and social impacts. Twenty years after the “Grim Reaper” HIV/AIDS advertising campaign, there is a tendency for young Australians to view the threat of AIDS as a thing of the past. Before AIDS alerted people to the need to be vigilant about protecting themselves from STIs, the focus was firmly on avoiding unintended pregnancy by means of total or periodic abstinence, the pill, condoms, the use of IUDs and diaphragms, or withdrawal (commonly cited as among the least reliable forms of contraception). Of all these methods, it is the condom that can offer substantial protection from STIs. With advancements in anti-retroviral drug therapy, HIV/AIDS is no longer regarded as a death sentence. Furthermore, its prevalence among heterosexuals in Australia is low, and today’s teenagers can’t recall the frightening unfolding of the epidemic. All of this contributes to complacency, and health professionals are now raising serious concerns about the rates of STIs in Australian young people. But it is arguable that a holistic approach to safety in sexual intimacy is needed, rather than just chanting, “No Love Without A Glove”. Socially safe sex Young people may not have reliable methods of identifying “safe” partners. That is, the expectations of a partner, in the wider context of what the community finds acceptable, may put too much pressure on a young person to behave in a certain way. With the prevalence of the sexualisation of young people in the media, it is little wonder that promiscuity may be seen as normal or acceptable. Having said that, it seems that gender stereotypes still exist today and society will reward or punish certain sexual behaviours in conflicting ways. Why even risk society’s punishment? Socially safe sex means avoiding dangerous, compromising, or uncomfortable situations. It means considering how forming a sexual relationship would affect your relationships with other friends, family, social groups and work colleagues. Consider if your sexual relationship will damage other relationships or, indeed, you. Emotionally safe sex Emotionally safe sex means acknowledging that sex involves intimacy, so it’s important to ensure emotional readiness and that the other person involved can be trusted. This means that you need to be able to communicate with your partner. Given the social pressures we’ve talked about above, it can be very difficult to be open and honest with a potential partner about the boundaries you might wish to place on the partnership. Added to that, your reputation may precede you, in which case a new partner might have unreal expectations of what your boundaries are. However, by getting to know your partner you can ensure that you both have the same physical and emotional expectations from the relationship. Spiritually safe sex Spiritually safe sex might be thought of as experiencing God/the sacred through intimate sexual relationship with another. This is the reason why most religions have boundaries around sexual relationships. Many Christians believe that sex is something to be shared between two people firmly committed to each other in marriage. Within the Christian tradition, there is the belief that the body is to be used for God’s purpose. By only committing to a sexual relationship in marriage, you may be able to avoid the social, emotional and physical ramifications sometimes associated with relationships where loyalty and dedication have not been equally recognised by each partner. However, this is very unrealistic for many people, particularly if they are in committed relationships but are not legally married. Should they, therefore, not engage in sexual intimacy? That doesn’t seem to make much sense. And this teaching doesn’t take into account those who have been sexually abused, through no fault of their own. Over recent years, many Christians have considered how their sexuality and their faith interact in a modern context. In the Uniting Church document “Uniting Sexuality and Faith”, sexual relationships are framed within the concept of treating every human being created in the image of God. The section on Sexuality and Spirituality points out that, “It is often in our unity with the other that we experience our unity with God. Just as “letting go” in the sexual act often brings pleasure, so “letting go” in our relationship with God brings a greater sense of God’s shalom (peace, wholeness).” Unfortunately there has been no national advertising campaign highlighting how unsafe sex can effect people socially, emotionally and spiritually and so young and old alike find themselves suffering as a result. Perhaps it is time to promote a holistic approach to what safe sex means; the equal endorsement of safety in intimacy: physically, socially, emotionally and spiritually.
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Comments (4)
  written by Mark, July 19, 2008
I feel like as a Christian I am missing out in not having casual sex becuase all these other young christians seem to be. I feel jelous of those other young christians who are able to 'let go' and engage in sexual acts with others. This is mainly due to me lacking social skills. There is no equality in Spiritually safe sex becuase women dont find me sexually attractive. Very small proportion of young people would have sex based on having a spritual union it is mainly based on sexual attraction.
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written by M, July 23, 2008
What I meant to say is that most women are sexually atrracted to tall blonde and attractive males for sex. I find this unequal genetic makeup designed by God to be unfair. Why did God make some more attractive then others. It does matter aswell, look at Georges George as Vatican assistant and how everyone comments on his good looks.
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written by Mark, July 23, 2008
Just to clarify do the pictures in the article may imply oral sex. Surveys sometimes find that Christians give up sex only to engage in oral sex.
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 written by Darren Wright, August 06, 2008
As a male who's not really seen himself as the most physically attractive person in the world I've been surprised occasionally when I do find someone who does find me attractive, and, luckily for me it's usually been a friend who knows me intimately (note that intimate in this sense does not mean sexual) and who can see in me thing that I guess I sometimes miss. I do find it encouraging that I've found a couple of people in my life who have wanted to share their life with me in this way.
I don't want to get into the church doctrine issues re sex at the moment, as it could drag me into a different direction, but I've found these intimate relationships to be fulfilling, supportive, fun and loving without the need for sex. That being said, I've spent a good deal of my life single, and with many of my family and friends out there it sometimes seemed that single is something that is abnormal. I felt on occasions that some people would prefer me being in a relationship, that somehow being single is not right. And I felt that too sometimes, it's hard to be single in a world where I'm faced with sexual images and messages in the media around me, everywhere I look. It's hard to be single when many of my friends, and indeed my family are getting married, having children, settling down. It's hard to be single when you're attracted to someone that is not attracted to you. Sometimes I wonder if we need to have a bit of a conversation on "safe non-sex fatigue" or safe-singleness fatigue" for those of us who find ourselves in long-term singleness, sometimes when we crave for the love of another having some people who are truly there with us and without any expectations of our need to be romantic, in a relationship etc is desperately needed. What happens when we're oh so sick and tired of being single? Or, what happens if we're oh so comfortable with being single, yet our family or/and friends may not be as comfortable as we are? When we're less tired of being single than we are tired/fatigued of others wanting us to not be single. Sometimes, with all this talk about "safe sex" we might forget "safe non-sex", not because of any moral objections, but simply because being single is where we're at, or that our relationship with another doesn't need to be sexual to share that love... To be safe in the knowledge that non-sex is not abnormal, but that it's perfectly normal. And in that, to be supported, loved, cared for and in relationship with others who respect us and love us for who we are, and to whom we can say occasionally "I hate being single" or "I just want to be loved" and know that we're not going to be judged for the frustration we might feel in those times when another's company/touch/love/affection would feel oh so nice... It's 12am, I think I'm babbling... night folks. report abuse
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