Meera Atkinson 

Young Christians growing up in the modern world face some big decisions when it comes to their sexuality and spirituality. Here are the perspectives of two married people who took different approaches to sex within their relationships.

Unpack the issues...

• Discussion points

David (aged 22)

Born into a Christian family, David went to church every week and attended Sunday school and youth group. When he met his first girlfriend at the age of 15, he made the decision not to have sex until he got married.

“I’d been taught that sex is God’s gift for a married couple and I wasn’t sure if I was going to marry that girl. It turned out I didn’t so I was glad we didn’t do anything. It wasn’t always easy.

“There was a lot of peer pressure, a ‘you’re stupid’ attitude. One of my bosses was a 30-year-old man who’d never been married and had a normal, active social life — one of those different-girl-every-week guys. He couldn’t understand my perspective. That was tough.

“I was 20 when I got married. My wife was 21. It was never ‘let’s get married to have sex’. It was ‘let’s get married’ — for a whole gamut of reasons. It just so happened I met the girl of my dreams at 17. Not everybody can say that.

“People talk about their first time and I can say the day I lost my virginity was on my wedding day with my wife and she can say the same thing. I don’t think anything else is better than that. It wasn’t some drunken party or someone that dumped me afterward.

“My first time was an awesome experience. We’ve been married two and half years and I’m still having sex with the same person. Our sex life is growing as we’re growing together. I have a child on the way — we’re 21 weeks pregnant.

“Sometimes before you get married you’re with your partner and you have one of those moments where it could go either way and one thing in the forefront of my mind was ‘what if we get pregnant?’

“I have friends that had sex before they got married and it resulted in pregnancy and a few years down the track they have a kid and they’re not married to the other parent of the child but to someone else.

“Having been married two years we made the decision we were ready and that child is going to grow up in a loving, supportive environment that’s a healthy place for my child to grow up.”

Astrid (aged 27)

After growing up within the the United Church in Canada, Astrid joined the Uniting Church during her first week in Australia, when she moved to Sydney in 2003.

As a teenager, Astrid decided the issue of sex before marriage was not necessarily clear cut and she would leave her options open. She later went on to become sexually active with her now husband before they wed.

“I would never have been okay with casual sex. I thought it demeaned sex but, by the same token, I recognised that the hard line of no sex before marriage didn’t necessarily make a lot of sense.

“I’ve always had the view that so long as you love the person and it’s a committed relationship it’s okay. That’s my boundary line.

“When I met my now husband he was the first person I thought was worth that gift. I was 21. I’d never met anyone as special as this person and we were totally in love. I knew our relationship had a future and having sex seemed like a natural next step, like part of our relationship developing.

“It was about that time I realised this is the person I could marry. We lived together. I had that strong connection with him that was enhanced by sex; when you’re sexual with someone it opens up another level of intimacy and trust, assuming it’s the right person.

“I know people who get married so young. There’s a sense that because we can’t do it before marriage let’s get married in a hurry. I think that’s an unfortunate reason to get married.

“I’ve always been cautious about a faith value reading of the Bible. I think there are things that don’t make sense to modern eyes because it was written in a particular historical, cultural context.

“Why in an environment without any birth control, without rights and protection for women, would you have sex before marriage, get pregnant, give birth to a ‘bastard’, have no community support, have no spouse. It makes sense those rules are there to help human communities function in a Godly manner. Not all those rules apply today.

“On the other hand, sex is sacred and that’s made clear. There is a reason you don’t want to be doing it with anyone and damaging yourself.”

Discussion points...

• How do you define sexual integrity?
• What is your Christian understanding of relationship? 
• What does the Bible say about sexual intimacy?
  

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written by Mark, July 15, 2008

Those examples are not accurate of the average marrying age these days which is quite higher then 21. (I think) .A persons sexual integrity would be questioned or challenged more if they were married over 30 in current society. There are not many good role models these days who are in the public eye and have committment to celibacy. There was a footy player who publicly confessed his celibacy after many years of having sex. I dislike people who do stuff and then say to everyone not to do it. I once had a bible study group leader who was having sex before marriage while leading the group. They did get married eventually. However, that's a bit like closing the gate after the horse has bolted. I dont like those in Sydney trying to hand out condoms. Im not sure there here for that. The world thinks everybody acts like they do.

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