The Transit Lounge

Christine: My natural mother got pregnant at 16, gave birth at 17, and her parents said she couldn’t keep me. She went into a home in the latter stages of pregnancy. I was taken back to that home after birth and 3 months later was adopted out. It wasn’t something she wanted to do, to give up that child.

Lyn: I lost her to adoption. I certainly didn’t give her up for adoption.

Christine: I always knew I was adopted; I don’t ever remember being sat down and told, so that was an honourable thing my adoptive family did.

Lyn had been trying to get in contact with me, through the home where I was placed before adoption, but the letters never reached me. She eventually found my name in the electoral role and, through a case worker at Jigsaw, made contact.

We met a few days later.

Lyn: Every change in my life I left information at the home in case Christine came looking for me.

As soon as she was 18 I knew I could legally look for her. Some months passed and one day I was really distressed and I rang the home and was accidentally given the surname of the adoptive family which allowed me to search the electoral role.

My husband and I prayed and prayed about finding Christine. I really felt God looked after us because the whole thing just really fell into place.

Christine: I was very conscious of the parents that raised me; you’re very aware of your loyalties to those people. Plus I was 20 at the time and I thought, “Why do you want me now after all this time?” That’s what everyone thinks.

That first meeting was reserved. You’re cautious and you’re not ready to open up for the risk of more rejection. Of course it was uncomfortable but it was the best it could be. We had quite a few hours that we sat together and that was okay. She gave me some jewellery that my father had given to her, which was really nice. We both took photos along and went through them.

Lyn: The day that we met was excruciating. I think I cried a lot. I just felt all the agony of not being good enough to be her mother.

I felt really tense not to do anything wrong. I kept thinking she was so perfect and I was so crap I didn’t want her to know the crap side of me.

After that meeting we didn’t have any more contact for a few months. I was very stressed about not pushing and interfering.

Christine: It was very cool for a number of years and that actually worked. We took it slowly. We did the occasional letter, the occasional phone call. I met her other children. But I felt like a bit of a freak. And it’s still like that, I feel on the outside.

Lyn: It took about 10 years before I could breathe normally and just feel normal. We stuck at it though and just kept having little visits but it’s terribly stressful. She invited me to stay and her and her then husband wanted to know why it had all happened. I felt really grilled but I was happy to tell them everything. She just couldn’t comprehend how I could give her up.

We slept in the same bed for the two nights and when I came home I said to my husband, “I feel like I’ve been on my honeymoon”.

Christine: When I was growing up I behaved very well – I thought you had to be good to be loved. When I was 34, I divorced. My adoptive family was so ashamed that I’d done that to the family that I don’t see them now at all and that’s where Lyn picked up. That unconditional love thing was quite clear to me then.

Lyn: Yes, that was a growth time. Because I’ve had lots of mistakes in my own life, it’s not really difficult to be with someone through their traumas. It was not hard.

Christine: There are lots of issues. And you think you’re going along fine but some days it hits you. No matter how much we try and reconcile, there’s a gap. You can try and try but it niggles.

But there is a positive side. I appreciate being alive and I enjoy my own family, which may not have been the case if I hadn’t gone through what I did. The worst thing is to be separated from your mother so for me everything else is okay.

We wouldn’t have been able to connect if Lyn’s husband didn’t have the beautiful attitude that he has. He’s the one that has really supported us and given us the space to get together. He’s accepted me with open arms so that has been a really beautiful thing.

Lyn: It’s been a real journey for all of us. Anything that’s worth it, you have to work hard for it. It’s not just a romantic dream come true, it’s really hard work. But it’s been worth it.

It’s natural for people to want to know who they are and what their heritage is and to connect with people who are the same as them. I don’t think that should be denied.