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A personal reflection Toby Adhityas Keva  It is actually quite complicated for me to talk about male roles in Indonesia. My father died when I was six years old. I was then raised by my mother who has never remarried. Therefore, I lost my most significant male role model in my early years.
However, I have still glimpsed memories of my father, as well as memories of my uncles; my elder brother; my male cousins; my male teachers at school; my friends’ fathers; the male characters in my favourite television series; even Suharto (the only Indonesian President I knew during my childhood and adolescence) who dubbed himself the ‘Father of the Nation’. Therefore, based on these memories, I will try here to paint an image of the male and his roles in Indonesia. As in any society, male roles in Indonesia are plural and always changing. However, I think there are general expectations of men. One is to hide one’s emotion. ‘Boys don’t cry’ is an expectation of men which exists quite strongly within Indonesian society. Men should act rationally and not emotionally. As a boy, I learned to hold my tears when I fell off my bike or when I lost a game. The same is true for adults. My father had always stayed calm when my mother let off the steam of her ‘emotional kettle’. Suharto always smiled on television and in newspapers, whatever the circumstance was (this was why he was dubbed the 'Smiling General’). To hide your emotion is a virtue within Javanese culture, which was a dominant culture during Suharto’s regime. Why such expectation? Because men should be wise and provide wisdom. I always remember when our family had a fight, one of my uncles often came to our house to stop the fighting and give us ‘valuable’ advice. We were to respect him and his advice. However, this kind of expectation creates distance. A father should refrain from embracing his children after they grow up. He is to be the source of both emotional stability and wisdom. These expectations of men and fathers shape Christian Indonesians’ view of God as their Father. It is reflected within the phrase Allah Bapa which means ‘God the Father’ in Bahasa Indonesia. Allah, with different pronunciation in Bahasa Indonesia, is an Arabic word for ‘God’. Bapa is ‘father’. It is akin to abba in Aramaic (the language Jesus spoke). There are other words to describe ‘father’ in Bahasa Indonesia: ayah, abah, bapak, papa, papi. Each word carries a different understanding. Bapa carries with it a sense of intimacy and authority. To call someone bapa is to love him as well as to pay him respect. A kind of mateship between a father and his children might work for some Indonesians, but there is a definite limit to it. Therefore, for most Christian Indonesians, God the Father is seen as a person who provides not only intimacy, but also unlimited wisdom and authority. However, with authority, there is distance. Therefore, this image of God needs not to be emotional. He is to be always in control to provide the emotional stability much needed by most Indonesians. This is probably why the most popular images of ‘European style’ Jesus in Indonesia are the ones with a calm face and small smile, even when he is facing a storm! When some Indonesian painters paint a ‘traditionally Indonesian style’ Jesus, his face always looks calm, even emotionless. I think this is in stark contrast to the images of biblical God both in the Old Testament and Jesus of the Gospels. Jesus cries when his friend, Lazarus, passes away. He rages at the sellers within the Temple. When he teaches us to call God ‘Father’, he talks about God of the Old Testament who shows his anger and jealousy towards the Israelites. I am not suggesting that we need then to completely get rid of the images of an emotionless and distant God. There are some images in the Bible which show God within this state of mind. In fact, just like all children, we all need an image of an authoritative figure who is emotionally stable, trustworthy and able to provide safety, as well as one who is capable of sharing his emotion, thus breaking down the barrier between us and him. Therefore, as both an Indonesian and Christian, I long for an image of God the Father as the one who can ground me by his authority, as well as the one who longs for an intimate relationship with me. Perhaps, it will be a lifelong journey for me to shape this kind of image in my heart.
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