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With Meera Atkinson and Nicole Reardon  It’s true that opposites attract. James and his partner, Ken, are two very different men who have been in a committed relationship for almost six years.
Most people have been set up by their close friends at one point or another. And, James says, he and Ken were no different. “We were lined up by mutual friends. Ken was invited to my New Years Eve party unbeknown to me. We hooked up that night and have been together ever since. We lived separately for the first year. I was living in Melbourne and Ken was living in Geelong, about an hours drive away. At the end of the first year we went on a holiday together and I moved out of my flat so then I moved down to Geelong. I work in arts management and Ken works in food in the health care industry.” The 5½ years they have spent together has allowed James to consider the differences between his relationship with Ken and his other male friendships. “There are certain things I would discuss with Ken, my partner, which I wouldn’t discuss with my friends – straight or gay. There are also certain things I’d discuss with my friends before Ken, for instance relationship advice. Most of my friends outside of the relationship are gay males but there are two or three good, close friends who are straight.” Over the years James has also observed a range of reactions from straight men towards himself and his partner. “Ken and I are Godparents to the children of one straight couple. “Meanwhile, Ken’s sister’s husband was quite homophobic. Their marriage dissolved and now we are even closer to Ken’s sister and her three children and we’re also close to her new partner and his two children.” “No-one has expressed any discomfort about being around me. At functions where I introduce Ken there have never been any issues at all. I can think of a number of delicate issues that I’ve been able to discuss with male, female, straight and gay friends and it’s not been a problem.” While perceptions appear to be changing, James says that many people still can’t accept his relationship with Ken. “Ken and I don’t walk down the street holding hands. We know we’re not in a neighbourhood where that would be accepted.” Ken’s reflections into their shared relationship vary widely to his partner. This, he considers, may be due to their different upbringings.  “I grew up in the ‘Bronx’ of Geelong. My schooling and upbringing were completely different to James’ private education. However, it relates to your upbringing and the support you receive. I had a lot of support from my parents and a good network of friends. I didn’t make my sexuality widely known because there would have been ramifications and many people simply weren’t able to grasp what homosexuality meant. So I trod lightly.”
“I think with straight friends you spend a lot of times seeking approval. I know I do myself. I like to try and get people to understand that I am able to have a conversation with a heterosexual person well away from gay issues. I want my friends to feel comfortable when they are talking to me and to be able to come to the realisation that homosexuals are normal people and aren’t a threat.” Ken has sought to educate others outside of his close circle of friends about homosexuality and the importance of his relationship with James. “I’m in a position of power at my work and am open about my sexuality. So I feel I have played a very important role in showing that gay people don’t run around trying to offend people. They can be accepted in the community as a person respected for their work.” Ken has seen the benefits of being open about his relationship. “I used to live in a unit at the back of a friend’s house and they brought their children up around me and felt it was very important that they learnt it didn’t really matter who you lived with or who you settled down with, it was who you got along with. And if you really liked a person then you have a choice to spend all your time with that person.” Having lived with James, Ken has realised that there are universal factors that make a relationship work. “There is always a nurturer in a relationship and someone who is willing to be nurtured - it’s the same in heterosexual relationships. It’s true that opposites attract. Both James and I are capable of different things and that is what makes us successful in our household. We work it out between the two of us.”
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